He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
