i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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