the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
