he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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