The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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