Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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