saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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