dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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