Your tits are I can't wait for
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
