that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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