Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
