Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
