I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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