im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
