You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
