just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
