I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
