Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
