I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
