i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
