I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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