before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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