made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
