i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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