He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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