he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
