remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
