the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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