I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
