Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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