cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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