so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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