I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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