i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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