Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
