did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
