Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
