I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
two words: eviction party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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