a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
