escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
