Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
