some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
