Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
