Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
