Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My hand turned me down
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize