And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Will you blow on my dice?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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