did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
