So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
