I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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