hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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