I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
