he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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