awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
