The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
