be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
