i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
