O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
