do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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