No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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