he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
