Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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