Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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