there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
