if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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