You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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