I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
