Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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