I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
