just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
