apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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