If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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