when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
