Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
People in love make me want to vomit
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
