He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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