Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
