capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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