this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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