A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
