definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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