her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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