You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
