You really coming over, don't trick.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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