The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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