Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
