What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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