Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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